Hey, programmers, here's a bit of advice: Adding the word “Wars” after a boring topic does not make it exciting, ... or any more interesting.
The latest scourge to hit cable television is an influx of shows such as “Craft Wars,” “Chocolate Wars,” “Deck Wars,” “Design Wars” and “Cupcake Wars.” Do we really need to equate simple little pastries with the Battle of the Bulge? (pun intended)
“Parking Wars” follows parking enforcement officers (not to be confused with meter maids such as Lovely Rita) as they make their daily rounds. Where is the suspense here? Do you think the car owners will be mad when they see their vehicles being towed or ticketed?
Not to spoil the excitement, but yeah, they are. Then they try and talk their way out of a summons. Wow, who could've seen that coming?
“In-Law Wedding Wars” has parents of the bride and groom fighting over who gets total control over their kids' wedding plans. Great way to get your marriage off on the right foot — if you are an idiot!
“Whisker Wars” provides an “inside look at the competitive world of facial hair growing.” Let me get this straight: Watching grass grow is the epitome of boring, but watching beards and mustaches grow is exciting? What's next, seeing which paint dries the fastest? (My money's on the semigloss.)
In “Storage Wars,” auction-goers bid on the unclaimed contents of storage units based solely on what they can see from the outside. I suppose you would offer more for a unit containing boxes labeled “Old Gold Doubloons” than one marked “Junk, but then you never know when the “junk” might contain a Jerry Koosman rookie card worth more than $1,000.
Viewer, beware: “Lobster Wars” is about fishermen, not two crustaceans, claws flailing, battling it out in the aquarium of your local seafood store.