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MARINATING

On TV: Finding a true all-news channel would be real news

Saturday, August 25, 2012 - 12:01 am

Here's a novel idea: Let's create an all-news channel.

Believe it or not, channels such as CNN used to be all news. Of course, that was before they changed the definition of news to include gossip, rumors, hearsay and wild speculation.

To its credit, a few years ago CNN acknowledged it was moving away from hard news and started Headline News (now HLN). That worked for a while, but it, too, succumbed to the lure of ratings and sensationalism.

“Dr. Drew,” “Nancy Grace,” “Showbiz Tonight” ... in whose vivid imagination do these shows qualify as news? News is news, not opinion. Fox “News” Channel is no better than Cable News Network. If Fox News is fair and balanced, I'm Brad Pitt and George Clooney.

While we're at it, please get rid of that annoying little scroll at the bottom of the screen telling you which celebrities were caught cheating on their partners this week. Usually, it's partners they were darn lucky to be with in the first place. Yeah, I'm talking to you, Hugh Grant and Kristen Stewart. What the heck were you thinking?

Maybe I'm just impatient (ask my wife if you'd like to confirm that), but I want a channel I can tune to, day or night, and get the top stories all within five or 10 minutes. They don't need to go into great detail. As Sgt. Friday used to say, “Just the facts, ma'am.”

If there is a story that concerns me in the slightest bit, I can read a newspaper or go on that newfangled Internet thing for more information.

I don't need to hear useless fluff read by well-coiffed reporters with glitzy graphics in the background. And I certainly don't need them to read “Tweets” from some “twit” who doesn't have a clue what he or she is talking about.

Mike Marin is a cranky curmudgeon who, when he’s not yelling at kids to get off his lawn, likes to complain about the sad state of popular culture, especially as seen through a TV screen. His email address is marinating@tribune.com. This column is the personal opinion of the writer and does not necessarily reflect the views or opinion of The News-Sentinel.