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MARINATING

Keep your eyes on the road, and regular knives on the table

Saturday, December 15, 2012 - 12:01 am

There are things in this world I do not comprehend. Actually, there are many things I fail to understand, but due to space restrictions and my undiagnosed attention deficit disorder, I will probably only get to a couple here today.

Why, when you order a steak in a fancy restaurant, do they give you a special “steak knife?” Is the meat so tough the regular knives can't cut it? (Pardon the pun.) Sorry, if you need to give me an extra sharp knife to be able to get through your sirloin or porterhouse, I'll stick with chicken, fish or pasta. (And by fish, I do not mean shellfish. I refuse to eat any food that requires a nutcracker and a bib.)

In a movie or television show, when two people are trucking on down the road, chatting, how does the driver manage to take his eyes off the road for what seems like an eternity to look at his passenger? Granted, it may only be four or five seconds, but have you ever tried looking sideways for that long? It bothers me when I sneeze and my eyes close involuntarily for half a second!

I have tried to look at the person next to me when driving on a nice straight highway with no other vehicles around, and I simply can't do it for more then a second. Of course, in my area, you never know when a suicidal deer is going to jump out in front of you without warning.

Kids, don't try this at home. Or while driving home. Or leaving home. Or going out for a midnight snack. Just don't try it period, OK?

And don't text either. And stop yapping on the phone. And listening to that garbage on the radio. Concentrate on the blasted road! But I digress.

What were we talking about?

Mike Marin is a cranky curmudgeon who, when he's not yelling at kids to get off his lawn, likes to complain about the sad state of popular culture, especially as seen through a TV screen. His email address is marinating@tribune.com. This column is the personal opinion of the writer an d does not necessarily reflect the views or opinion of The News-Sentinel.