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MARINATING

Heaps of hype for a product that will leave you hanging

Saturday, January 5, 2013 - 12:01 am

Let's play a game.

I was flipping around the channels the other day when I stumbled across a couple of ladies so wound up they were practically jumping out of their skin. See if you can guess what they were talking about.

Here are some direct quotes: “This is as exciting as it gets.” “This will change your life completely.”

Okay, that was too vague. I was tuned to HSN, the Home Shopping Network, when the two highly enthusiastic women started extolling the benefits of the product they were selling: (Again these are exact quotes.) “Kids love them.” “Young adults love them.” “Great for those in a nursing home.” “Perfect for college students.” Oh, and lest we forget: “Unisex.”

Nothing yet? How about, “It is the No. 1 selling product on television.” In the 20 minutes I stared at the screen, transfixed by their emotional outbursts, they sold more than 12,845 of them.

Getting warmer? Need more clues? This item was the “grand finale of the home and holiday event” and contained 108 pieces ... including the tissue paper.

Here are a couple of comments the hosts made to callers looking to purchase the item: “I have chills thinking of you putting these in your closet.” “You will have the happiest-looking closet in the world.” “I am so excited for you.”

If that didn't give it away ... they were hawking clothes hangers! (Wow, that was pretty anticlimactic, wasn't it?)

Yes, for the low, low price of $59.95, you can purchase the 108 piece “huggable hanger” collection, split into six “velvety/metallic” gift bags, each containing six shirt and six suit hangers, two clips, two sheets of the aforementioned color-coordinated tissue paper, and one gift tag. If you are keeping score, the gift bags and tags count as 12 of the 108 pieces.

And you thought fruitcake was the epitome of a crappy gift!

Mike Marin is a cranky curmudgeon who, when he's not yelling at kids to get off his lawn, likes to complain about the sad state of popular culture, especially as seen through a TV screen. His email address is marinating@tribune.com. This column is the personal opinion of the writer and does not necessarily reflect the views or opinion of The News-Sentinel.