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MARINATING

A storm is like a hamburger? What else is in the forecast?

Saturday, February 16, 2013 - 12:01 am

I hate to keep picking on these guys, but it's just so darn easy.

A few days ago, I caught part of The Weather Channel's “Morning Rush.” I assume the title comes from the timing of the show during the hour everyone is driving off to work, not the feeling you get when you wake up around sunrise and realize you made it through the night without having to get up to go to the bathroom three times.

I know television personalities often simplify their presentations to suit the lowest common denominator, but I have never seen a weather report dumbed down quite this much.

I like Stephanie Abrams. She is one of the best meteorologists on the air. But this particular morning she was trying to explain the dynamics of a storm over Texas.

As if she was talking to a class of third-graders, she said, and I quote, “The atmosphere is like a hamburger. We're at the bottom bun. This (pointing to the map) is up toward the tomato layer. If we have moisture through the entire hamburger, then we're going to get rain at the bottom bun.”

I hate soggy buns. I am still unclear as to the symbolism of the pickle or what the special sauce represents. Pollen? Sleet? Mayonnaise?

She further went on to point out that “you can't have a thunderstorm if you don't have lightning, because the lightning causes the thunder.” Really, Sherlock?

Now I understand trying to keep your viewers entertained while giving them what, in the past, has been a very dry (pun intended) weather forecast, but a hamburger? C'mon, Stephanie.

I guess we can be thankful she doesn't also do traffic reports. We don't need to compare a line of cars heading up the interstate to a box of linguini — with a stalled meatball on the right shoulder.

Mike Marin is a cranky curmudgeon who, when he’s not yelling at kids to get off his lawn, likes to complain about the sad state of popular culture, especially as seen through a TV screen. His email address is marinating@tribune.com. This column is the personal opinion of the writer and does not necessarily reflect the views or opinion of The News-Sentinel.