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MARINATING

Tending o’ the green more interesting than soccer game

Saturday, March 16, 2013 - 12:01 am

Top o' the day to you. I hope everyone is wearing green this weekend whether your name is (Bill) O'Reilly, (George) Stephanopoulos or (Wolf) Blitzer.

Speaking of green, I was watching a soccer match on television the other day between Manchester United and Real Madrid. Aside from wondering why there are no big-name “football” teams from the Emerald Isle, I was utterly fascinated and impressed by the excitement and strategy of the game.

I spent most of the time on the edge of my seat eagerly anticipating the next great pass or header or ... oh, who am I kidding? I was on the edge of my seat because I had fallen asleep and almost slipped out of my chair.

Seriously, it must take years of practice and training to acquire the knowledge and ability needed to ... get the playing field looking that green! Those groundskeepers are the true professionals.

Why did we have to import David Beckham? I'd rather hear how the head groundskeeper manages to keep the field so bright and free of weeds. (Maybe not being married to a Spice Girl allowed him to concentrate solely on his work.)

The only way my property would ever look that good is if I gave the entire New York Red Bulls team a case of their sponsor's product and a lot of green spray paint and told them to go to town on my lawn.

But the playing field on display in a soccer match pales in comparison to the time and energy (and water) needed to ready the land for a major golf tournament. Some of the most picturesque views I've ever seen are from golf courses. Augusta National in Georgia comes to mind. Simply beautiful.

Now if only they could figure out some way to keep the players off it and let us enjoy the scenery.

Mike Marin is a cranky curmudgeon who, when he’s not yelling at kids to get off his lawn, likes to complain about the sad state of popular culture, especially as seen through a TV screen. His email address is marinating@tribune.com. This column is the personal opinion of the writer and does not necessarily reflect the views or opinion of The News-Sentinel.