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COMMUNITY VOICE

McCentipedes? Buffalo Wild Wasps? Could happen if the UN has its way

Thursday, June 13, 2013 - 12:01 am

OK, OK, I’ll admit it. I am no fan of the United Nations.

Founded in 1945 and inspired by the failed quest of the League of Nations, the primary purpose of the U.N. was to stop war. And after the carnage of two World Wars, well it just made sense that the global community needed a place to work out their differences. And, of course, the United States under the direction of President Franklin Roosevelt welcomed the U.N. to place its base of operations in New York City.

But as history has taught us, which we often ignore, it has come to pass that any political institution designed for a specific purpose will never be content to simply settle for the status quo and will ultimately seek to expand its clout. Aside from its original mission to stop war, which has proved dismally ineffective, it has grown to include branches including the International Court of Justice and the Economic and Social Council. As much as I loathed the man as a military leader, that crazy party animal Charles de Gaulle might have proved his foresight when he described the U.N. as a “contraption.”

But I must say, when you need a good laugh from a late-night comedian or fodder for cynics such as me, well, the United Nations never fails to provide.

As if it’s not enough to push for a tax on the Internet or issuing opinions as to the rights of Americans to own guns, now the U.N. has outdone itself. The Food and Agriculture Organization branch is pushing for the peoples of the world to make insects an essential part of a balanced diet. They state, “Insects likely produce fewer environmentally harmful greenhouse gases.” Hey, I’ve already written about cow flatulence!

But think about it, if you’re riding in a convertible or touring on your Harley down Interstate 69 and you catch a grasshopper in your teeth, don’t spit it out but instead chew it up and count it as your midafternoon snack.

If you are a food entrepreneur, the possibilities are endless. Perhaps with a little bit of garlic powder and rosemary, gypsy moths might become a delicacy. I mean, we already enjoy chocolate-covered grasshoppers; why not cockroaches dipped in butterscotch?

If you like your bacon extra crunchy with your scrambled eggs every morning, why not supplement the pork with insects? I hear there is a discernable crunch when you bite into a stag beetle.

Consider what possibilities this might offer the fast food industry. Perhaps not so far into the future we might read below the golden arches 70 billion McCentipedes sold! Maybe Golden Corral can replace its chicken wings with praying mantises, as long as you eat them before they eat you. Or how about this, Buffalo Wild Wasps?

You could have all-new restaurant chains springing up on the horizon. Considering the numbers of bedbugs there are in New York City alone, well, I’m sure Mayor Bloomberg could make the case for their inclusion for a healthy alternative to the Whopper and an oversized soda.

Time magazine recently published a table showing the protein value of some insects. Did you know that caterpillars have 10-17 grams of protein and termites have 13-28 grams? Predictably Time makes the point that a steak offers only 26 grams.

There you have it. Are you sold on sauteing crickets for dinner tonight or enjoying a cheeseburger with a patty of ground-up gnats? Well, not me! The U.N. pushed the fact that 2 billion of the world’s inhabitants already include insects in their diets. Sorry, but I don’t live in the Sudan or the Amazon. If I were to suddenly find myself on the run hiding from Islamic extremists in Afghanistan or cannibals in Borneo, then to survive I just might bite into that grub worm.

But as long as a nearby establishment offers a stop-sign-size tenderloin with the works, or there are barbecue ribs being grilled, then insects are not going to be included on my menu.

But I am given to pause. Because whenever the United Nations gets involved or writes another 200-page report, then you can bet there will be its liberal disciples including it in their anti-American agendas and our own university professors will lecture on the matter in order to brainwash the zombies that sit before them.

Hmm, maybe Soylent Green is just around the corner.

Bob Rinearson is a resident of Fort Wayne.