•Half of the storage space in my closet needn't be used to store old LPs anymore. For you kids out there, an LP is a long-playing vinyl record. Kind of like a big CD, but scratchier. For the even younger kids, a CD is what we used to play music on before computers and “smart” things.
•You no longer have to remember your wife's birthday. Although if the battery in your smart-whatever dies the day before your reminder is set, you are in big trouble, pal. (Trust me on that one.)
•Clerks in a fast-food joint no longer have to know how to make change. Want to have some fun? Next time you pay for something, after they've entered the “amount tendered,” give them an extra nickel or dime. You will totally throw them. Heaven forbid they learn to make change in their heads the way we used to.
•Advances in technology have been a boon to transportation. When was the last time anyone had to get out of the car to open a garage door? Or fold one of those origami road maps? My favorite: You no longer have to stop at a tollbooth and throw in a quarter every few minutes on a long road trip. E-Z Pass is the greatest advancement in commuting since the wheel.
•Last, but not least, you can now buy a car that parallel parks itself! What do they need drivers for anymore? Answer: To find the oldies station on the radio.
Mike Marin is a cranky curmudgeon who, when he’s not yelling at kids to get off his lawn, likes to complain about the sad state of popular culture, especially as seen through a TV screen. His email address is firstname.lastname@example.org. This column is the personal opinion of the writer and does not necessarily reflect the views or opinion of The News-Sentinel.