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MARINATING

If you’re going to send hate mail, think before you write

Saturday, June 29, 2013 - 12:01 am

I am going to give up watching news on television. It's too depressing. Someone is either being killed or attempting to kill others, or things are falling out of the sky threatening to kill us all.

Do these idiots sending poison-pen letters to the president of the United States really think he takes Bob (or Boo or Beau or whatever that dog's name is) for a stroll down to the mailbox on Pennsylvania Avenue every day to pick up his own mail?

Luckily for the Secret Service, jerks like that are not usually the brightest crayon in the box or the smartest smartphone on display. Nor are they the sharpest knife in the drawer, highest octane gas at the pump, fastest horse on the track, crispiest chicken in the bucket, corniest corned beef on the Reuben, grandest lady in the Easter parade or biggest boob on the planet. OK, they might have a good shot at that last one.

Please, if people with the education of an eggplant don't like someone or something, don't fill an envelope with poison and risk hundreds of lives (including your own, moron). Do what all the other cowards do: Create a phony alias and write anonymous, hateful comments on the Internet. If it gets some of that venom out of your system, go for it.

Life is not a video game or a television show. If you do something stupid, you do not get a second, third or 100th chance to get it right. Think before you do or say something you can't undo or take back.

As I taught my children, anything that gets on the Internet is theoretically there for eternity ... or until that asteroid they are constantly warning us about finally comes crashing down into the ocean, destroying all life on the planet — except the super mutant cockroaches.

Mike Marin is a cranky curmudgeon who, when he’s not yelling at kids to get off his lawn, likes to complain about the sad state of popular culture, especially as seen through a TV screen. His email address is marinating@tribune.com. This column is the personal opinion of the writer and does not necessarily reflect the views or opinion of The News-Sentinel.