Oh, and I'm not him.
I've worked with him, and watched him eat all the leftover pizza, for years and years, and if it's prep football season, The Pig will be in the house.
Prep football kicks off tonight. So if you want The Pig – and why wouldn't you? – you've got him.
The News-Sentinel is ready to deliver The Pig's "wisdom" and so much more.
I'm here today to prep football fans on what prep football fans can expect from us this season, both in print and online. Expect a great time, and all of these features:
* Game coverage. We'll have blanket coverage on the top game of the week, with stories, analysis, photos and video, and we'll also hit some other selected games, along with stats from all the games in The News-Sentinel area. Look for this online and in Saturday's print edition.
* Live chat. Starting at 6 p.m. every Friday and running through midnight, prep football fans can join in a discussion of all things football at news-sentinel.com.
Hop online and share your thoughts on what might happen in Friday night's games. Stop by and comment while the games are going on. Grab some drive-through snacks and settle in after the games to chat it up, too. Our writers will join the conversation and, yes, that includes The Pig.
* Twitter. Give us your 2 cents or 140 characters on Twitter, using the hashtag #nsfootball and see if your tweet ends up being one of our Tweets of the Week! I'll be there (reggiehayes1) along with The Pig (ThePig_ns), sports editor Tom Davis (Tom101010), Blake Sebring (blakesebring) and more. Feel free to share updates and observations from your games.
* The scoreboard. We'll have in-progress scores from around the area at news-sentinel.com on the sports page as well as within the live chat. You can't be at every game, so keep an eye on what else is happening around the area.
* Fan Choice Player of the Week. After every Friday night, The News-Sentinel will give you five choices for the week's top performer. Go online and vote for your choice. Who stepped up and made the Friday night highlights?
* Power Poll. Every Saturday, we'll have the area's team's ranked from best to worst. See if your team climbs up the charts. Will Snider and Bishop Luers battle for supremacy again? Will Bishop Dwenger seize the top spot? Are the Carroll Chargers ready to show they're bigger and better?
* Thursday previews. We'll get you ready for every Friday with a look ahead to the best games and emerging storylines as the season progresses. We'll also have the media picks for the week.
* WANE's Inside the Zone. News-Sentinel sports editor Tom Davis talks football with WANE-TV, Ch.15, sports director Glenn Marini every Monday. See if your team gets a shout-out.
* "Friday Night Notes": Every Monday, prep writer Justin Kenny will look back on some notes, stats and trends from the previous week's games.
* The Pig. Last, but but not least especially in weight, don't you want to know what the porcine prognosticator has to say? He's in the mix throughout our coverage. There's probably not anywhere you can go for prep info where you won't stumble into The Pig.
One last helpful hint: If you see The Pig at a game, keep your nachos a safe distance away.