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Bret Michaels doesn't rock my RV

Saturday, August 31, 2013 - 5:34 am

Has anyone seen Travel Channel's “Rock My RV With Bret Michaels”? Not being a fan of either recreational vehicles or Bret Michaels, I hadn't either. After all, he is from the '80s band Poison — and if you've read any of my previous rants, you know I think the '80s were probably the worst decade of music in the past century.

Anyway, on the advice of someone — who used to be a friend — I checked it out. After wasting an hour of my life, I have to say I'm still not a fan of recreational vehicles or Bret Michaels.

They basically take an RV, which by their very nature are usually somewhat over the top, and convert it into a customized “mobile mansion.” They put in such wasteful items as mahogany paneling, marble ceilings and soda fountains.

Unfortunately, since I hadn't seen this show previously, I missed out on a chance to enter the “Rock My RV With Bret Michaels: Epic RV Giveaway Contest.” Darn! Along with winning an RV personally customized by Michaels and a trip to Los Angeles to accept the keys, the winner also receives a $500 gas card. Wow, that might be enough to get them to the next gas station — if they drive conservatively.

Knowing Michaels' reputation from previous “reality” shows such as “Rock of Love,” I think I would rather spend the $500 to steam-clean the inside after he left. If the new owners need more gas money, maybe they can hock some of the junk inside.

Just as every rose has its pointy thorns, every cable channel has its pointless programming. This is Travel's contribution.

What's next, Tommy Lee updates your sprinkler system? Steven Tyler installs a new lighting fixture?

Stick to music, guys, dreadful as it might be.

Mike Marin is a cranky curmudgeon who, when he’s not yelling at kids to get off his lawn, likes to complain about the sad state of popular culture, especially as seen through a TV screen. His email address is This column is the personal opinion of the writer and does not necessarily reflect the views or opinion of The News-Sentinel.