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Snow way

Copyright 2014 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.The Associated Press
Monday, November 23, 2015 07:40 am

OK, we've had our first snow. Are you winter-loving freaks happy now? Well, just shut up about it.My first cat, Pierre, was a tough indoor-outdoor feline who made it to almost 20 despite everything he endured in the jungles of Oakdale Drive. No matter how badly he got beaten up, he'd lick his wounds for a few hours then be ready to happily go right back outside. Even when there was a thunderstorm, he wanted to be out under the porch.

The only thing that really got to him about outside was snow. Every year, during the long spring, summer and autumn months, he forgot there was such a thing. So the first snow every winter, he'd step onto the porch, then jump up and yowl and rush right back into the house, shaking his paws to get the awful stuff off. Then, I swear, every time, he went to the back door and made me let him out there. He just had to see for himself if the snow was everywhere. Surely, it skipped the back yard this year! When he discovered otherwise, he came back in and sulked for half a day before he was ready to go out for a few minutes.

I think he probably got his attitude from me. I loathe winter. In July and August, when I'm whining about being hot and sweaty, I have to stop and remind myself how much more I hate winter. If your electricity goes off in the summer, you'll sweat more. If it goes off in winter, you'll freeze to death.

I hate the cold. I hate the shorter days. I hate having to huddle inside or bundle up to go outside. I hate numb fingers and toes. I hate the ice that's always ready to send your butt crashing to the ground. i hate seeing my heating bill come.

And I really, really, really hate snow. If you're sitting by a fireplace in a mountain chalet with a glass of mulled wine and looking out through a big picture window, snow is lovely. Otherwise it just sucks. Walking in it is wearying. Driving in it is terrifying. Keeping it off the damn sidewalks is agony.

A few words from Dominick Bosco:

In most of the natural world, winter puts things to sleep, or it kills them. Snow is the blanket put over that paused life. Snow whispers a message to us: sleep. I don’t like that message. I am not a bear.

So go have your silly snowball fights and build your stupid snowmen and go find those snowy slopes to ski down. Tell me all about it around May, and I might be warm enough to listen. Won't care, though.

ELSEWHERE IN THE NEWS

Common sense from a cop about armed citizens: It is unrealistic, Washington D.C. Police Chief Cathy Lanier told "60 Minutes," i to expect police to make it to an active shooter in time to save lives, so if there is anyone in a position to try to take the gunman down, "it's the best option for saving lives until police get there."

For the "If it sounds too good to be true, it probably isn't" file. That story (noted here last week) about Hillary Clinton's campaign "going after" five comedians who had made fun of her turns out to be pretty thinly sourced. It's just the comedy club owner saying it, and he's starting to walk it back a little under questioning by the media. In other news, there are actually comedians willing to make fun of a Democrat.

Another reason Jeb Bush will not get near the White House: A compelling argument can be made, he says, for an Internet sales tax. A Republican speaking favorably of a tax. It's like he wants to lose.

If it's true that "global warming" is helping create terrorists, why does it seem to affect only Muslims? Or is that an Islamophobic question?

According to a new poll, a majority of Americans feel like strangers in their own country. And they despise everybody who's contributed to making them feel that way, so, hello, Donald Trump.

Well, duh department: Stephen Colbert's "Late Show" has become a propaganda tool for Democrats. The real Colbert is even smugger and snide than the rightwing tool he used to pretend to be.

Massachusetts is getting in the smart line behind Indiana in abandoning Common Core. The effects, alas, will continue to linger there as they have here. 

Christmas is a charade, says . . . Pope Francis. The holiday is about peace, you see, and the whole world is a war so we've never really gotten the whole peace thing. Sounds a little depressed to me.

Finally, you will enjoy the holidays much more if you "choose to be grateful." Yes, you can, even if you don't think you have reasons to be, and it will actually make you happier. Really, There's a study.

WORD OF THE DAY

benison (BEN-uh-zuhn), n. — benediction; a blessing, especially a spoken one, as in: "May the you hear the benisons of peace  this holiday season."

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